Pam & Jim Are Not the Perfect Couple
In spite of all this, however, one thing doesn’t remain the same, and that is my opinion on PB&J.
No, not the sandwich. That’s Pam and Jim (thank you, Kevin Malone).
While every character in the cast is unique, has unique relationships, and does unique and interesting things, it is clear that Pam and Jim were intentionally written as the strongest supporting members in the show. They are often portrayed as the only competent characters in the Scranton branch. With an unorthodox and inappropriate boss like Michael Scott, a gun-slinging beet farmer like Dwight Schrute, and an “alcoholic” and a “floozy” like Meredith Palmer (her words, not mine), the bar isn’t set high for Pam and Jim to be “normal.”
Their starting points in the show make them even more likeable and relatable. From the first episode, Pam is a meek, introverted receptionist engaged to marry a selfish jerk. Jim is a goofy paper salesman pining for the receptionist with his good nature and good humor. They are so easy to root for, and what’s not to love? We can all see a little bit of ourselves in both of them from the start.
But as the show progresses, I’ve noticed that there are fluctuating periods where they become less likeable, more arrogant, and more selfish. I find myself annoyed with them at times, muttering to myself that Jim is a jerk and that Pam is a snob. It comes and goes, of course, but with my umpteenth viewing, I’ve begun to see that they aren’t so perfect.
Now don’t get me wrong: I do love Jim and Pam. I think their relationship is, for the most part, amazing. By the end of the series, I still come away liking them.
I just don’t think they’re perfect. Here’s why.
The Karen love triangle. The first few times I watched the show, I thought Karen was jealous and controlling. I think this made it even easier for viewers to root for Pam and Jim. It was no longer a matter of “if” they would end up together but “when.” Even when Jim was with Karen, we all knew she was just an excuse for him to forget about Pam, a rebound as he called it. Maybe he genuinely did like her and genuinely hoped he could use her to get over Pam completely, but that’s just it: at the end of the day, he was using her.
So if we put ourselves in Karen’s shoes, was she really all that jealous and controlling? She moved from Stamford to Scranton with Jim only to be blindsided by past feelings kept secret from her that weren’t really past feelings to begin with. To top it off, she had to watch him constantly flirt with Pam, and watch her flirt back. Neither Pam nor Jim had respect for Karen, or Jim’s relationship with Karen. If I had to sit by and watch my boyfriend flirt with someone he once (still) had feelings for, I would probably become as bitter and jealous as Karen, too.
To make matters worse, Jim had no problem leaving Karen behind in New York to go chasing after Pam. He and Karen went to New York together to interview for a corporate position, and when he realized he did not want to lose his relationship with Pam by moving elsewhere, he gave up that job opportunity and returned to Scranton.
We don’t see what happened in between that moment with Jim interviewing in David Wallace’s office, and the moment when he spontaneously showed up in Scranton asking Pam out on a date. Best case scenario: he was honest with Karen. Perhaps he found Karen, confessed he was a jerk for using her to get over Pam, admitted he still wanted to be with Pam, and they went their separate ways.
Worst case scenario: he simply left and headed for Scranton, figuring he would deal with the dirty work later. But who knows exactly how that played out? It wasn’t shown, and the best information we were given was in the season four premiere when Jim simply stated in a talking head segment that he “broke up with Karen after the job interview” (“Fun Run,” 04x01/02). No details were really given beyond that, except that Karen left Scranton almost immediately after the breakup.
Because we were rooting for Jim and Pam all along, and because this was finally the moment when they ended up together after four seasons, and because Jim suffered little to no retribution for what he did to Karen, it was easy to overlook Jim’s relationship with Karen and Karen herself. It was even easier to get past it when we remember that Karen eventually got married and lived happily ever after.
But that didn’t make what Pam and Jim did okay. Karen was mistreated and put up with a lot, and maybe that was partly on her for not walking away when Jim admitted in “The Return” (03x14) that he still had feelings for Pam. In the end, though, nothing excused Pam and Jim from parading around the office, indifferent to the feelings of others—namely, Jim’s at-the-time girlfriend.
Pam quit art school. Remember when Pam wanted to make a living at being an artist? That was thrown out the window pretty quickly, wasn’t it?
To be honest, I never felt that Pam tried that hard to accomplish her dreams. She talked often about how she wanted to be an artist, and it was hinted at throughout the show that art was her true passion, but she never fought very hard for it.
Case in point: she quit art school after failing one class because it would’ve required another three months in New York. It was a three-month program. Three months. Not three years.
If I were in her shoes, I would find it difficult to be away from my boyfriend for three months, too. But I know it would get easier as time went on. Three months was a short time compared to the rest of their lives, which they already knew they were going to spend with each other. Instead, she ran back home to Scranton because she missed her boyfriend. And Jim didn’t exactly try to stop her.
In Jim’s defense, he didn’t discourage her from staying for another three months, but he certainly didn’t encourage her to stick it out either. In the end, the decision to stay or go had to be Pam’s. That being said, I don’t think that I personally would be content knowing that my significant other gave up his dreams because he missed me, especially when the end was in sight, and especially if we were able to see each other pretty regularly. After all, the route from Scranton to the Pratt Institute amounts to roughly a two-and-a-half hour drive. They could’ve visited each other every weekend if they wanted to.
So the bottom line is that Pam gave up her dreams to be with Jim. She didn’t fight that hard to stay in school or to pass her tough class. She simply decided it was too difficult and ran back home. Looking at this from a distance, one can see that Pam’s priority here was not art school. She essentially resolved herself to the life of the receptionist, which she constantly reminded us was never any little girl’s dream.
It might be unfair to say that Pam gave up on her dreams when the only thing she really gave up was art school, and academia doesn’t define a person’s value. In season seven, however, Pam did lament the fact that she often “failed” things that she set out to accomplish, like being a salesman and becoming an artist (“China,” 07x10). Clearly she never gained closure over the whole event, and maybe she even regretted not sticking out.
Throughout the series, Pam does encounter other opportunities to do what she truly loves. In the final season, she paints the mural on the warehouse wall and is commissioned to paint the Irish community center mural. In an earlier season, Jim also turns their garage into her own personal art studio. But what happened with that?
They say it’s best to do everything you want to do in life before you settle down and have a family, but Pam couldn’t take the three months to accomplish that, and she never tried after the they settled down either. All in all, Pam’s dreams of becoming an artist took a back seat to everything else. That’s not to say that her dreams or her art should have come before her husband or her family, but Jim had no problem chasing his dreams later on, so why didn’t Pam ever try to do the same? Why didn’t she try to go back to art school?
Athlead/Athleap. Which brings me to my next point: Jim started a business behind his wife’s back. He invested ten thousand dollars to “look like a team player” (“Here Comes Treble,” 09x05) even after the other partners had already invested enough money. As Pam pointed out, that money was most of their savings.
Jim did mention early on in this plot arc that he tried talking with Pam about starting up a company and she immediately shut down the idea, which certainly wasn’t fair on her part. But that didn’t make it okay for Jim to go behind her back and do something that she wasn’t comfortable with. I doubt that he even tried talking to her about it again.
Like Pam's artistic passion, Jim’s dreams of working for a sports marketing company were also hinted at throughout the show. In “Local Ad” (04x09), Jim made an avatar on the computer game, Second Life, to mess with Dwight who had also made a character in the game. Jim’s avatar was a guitar-slinging sports writer in Philadelphia. It’s a small detail to easily miss, but it is something. Like Pam, Jim never dreamed of working for a paper company. He had bigger goals than that, goals that took the back seat for some time while he got his life together, as we all must do sometimes. The difference is that he followed those dreams while Pam did not follow hers.
Jim, however, became selfish in those later episodes. His attitude changed as he became frustrated with the difficulties of starting a new company and acquiring new clients, and he took it out on Pam. In “Customer Loyalty” (09x12), Jim missed their daughter’s dance recital to stay late at work, and he snapped at Pam who accidentally messed up the recording she took on her phone. Pam argued that he should’ve been there if it was that important to him. A cringe-worthy argument ensued in which Jim insisted that he wasn’t doing everything just for himself, and that they had bigger problems at hand if Pam believed that.
“But you took the job without telling her!” I screamed at the television. Because while he was working in Philly for his family, trying to create a better life for them, he first did it for himself because he was unhappy, and it was unfair of him to put that on Pam. Pam confided in Nellie in “Stairmaggedon” (09x19) that at some point, Jim shouldn’t be rewarded for his impulsive behavior—like buying a house without consulting Pam or starting a company without her approval. And she was right.
Let’s also consider how Jim tried to get Pam a job in Philadelphia when she was never thrilled with the idea from the start. That was more for Jim than for Pam, and she acquiesced because—well, what else was there to do? She wanted to support her husband. She wanted to make things work. She wanted to give things a try. But in the end, another receptionist position was never an attractive job opportunity. Was it fair for Pam to settle while Jim got to do what he wanted?
As difficult as the last few episodes were to watch, I was glad to finally see that Pam and Jim were a real, true couple. Up until the final season, their relationship was often deemed perfect by viewers, without any bumps or scuffles. They lived a fairy-tale life and marriage that nearly all viewers saw as the standard for how a true and loving relationship ought to be.
But by season nine, things finally came to a head, and we saw how even the most perfect couple can fall apart if both parties in the relationship aren’t honest with each other and aren’t fighting for each other. I took no delight in watching them suffer, but for the first time in the show, something was at stake for Jim and Pam. We knew even in earlier seasons when things were bumpy that they would eventually end up together. This was the first time I was unsure whether things would end up okay. I wanted them to work it out.
Both characters came to a significant place of growth by the series finale, which redeemed most of the problems I had with them all along. The first time I finished the show, I found myself frustrated with Pam for giving up what she wanted to let Jim have what he wanted. I saw it more as a surrender than a compromise.
But when Jim showed Pam the documentary footage of their budding relationship in “A.A.R.M.” (09x22/23) after Pam expressed her fears of him resenting her for giving up his dreams, Jim declared that she was everything to him. Pam subsequently sold their house in secret so Jim could continue pursuing Athleap, which had expanded its headquarters to Austin, Texas.
Jim giving up his job at Athlead to be with his family was an act of pure love. Pam giving up her life in Scranton and embarking into the unknown with her family was also an act of pure love. The adversity they faced in the final season strengthened their relationship and their characters more than any of the happy, lovey-dovey moments in any prior season. Their sacrifices for each other meant more than anything else when they were made with great effort and compromise. It is easy to love someone when things are good, but it is a true testament to a person’s love for another when they stick together through the rough patches.
So while Jim and Pam grated my nerves at times, I found their imperfections to be real. They were never “bad” characters to me. They were real characters who had real problems and real issues that were often overlooked by viewers who declared their relationship perfect and beyond reproach. Pam and Jim’s relationship should not be known or glamorized for its perfections, as it often is, but for the way it persevered in spite of its imperfections.
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